Wishing

Ben and I decided to just go away for a night. We watched Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I liked it. It was different. Kinda boring in some parts but overall a good movie. It had some really funny moments.

Today we went to T.J.I. Fridays. They didn't have Diet Pepsi or Diet Dr. Pepper so I had to stick with hot tea. I hate how I can't have Diet Coke. It makes me hurt so bad! It tastes bad, too, but anyway, I just wish I could eat with my husband in a restuarant. I wish we could have something together. I don't know. I have to pretend to not care sometimes. It's hard. I get sad that I can't eat with him. That we can't eat ice cream together. Or share a dessert at a restuarant. Or just eat try each others meal! I don't know. I want to be able to share those moments. Granted, God has given us other great memories. I shouldn't want more than I already have. I need to keep trusting. It's ok that I can't do everything I want. And who knows. Maybe one day they will come up with something to help me eat. I just wish everything in life wasn't set around food! It makes it difficult for me.

Imagine you went to a party. Your family and close friends know and understand that you can't eat much at all. You take out a piece of rice bread,  and as usual somebody will comment. I wish you could have what we eat. Or are you sure there isn't something we can give you. Or what's wrong with you. And I'm sure there are people who totally do not understand and think I'm obsessed about my weight. Or I'm exaggerating my symptoms. I feel like I always have to battle people's viewpoints. At restuarants I just say I have a stomach disease, but I can so see they do not get it even though they nod their head like they do. The worse ones are the ones who keep on asking if I could have this or that whenever they come back around. I know they are just trying to help. I know most people would be different if they understood. It's a silent battle. Nobody knows how much pain we are in physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

But that brings me to the fact that ALL of us have problems we deal with. Silent pains that hurt too much to talk about. Pain that feels like a vise is around your chest. Pain that feels like it will never end. Pain that makes you despair. But when we feel all that, we need to remember who God really is.God is not a God of despair. God is hope. We are not alone! Remember that! Never forget it! God has not abandoned us. He is still holding us in the palm of His hand. He is upholding us with the right hand of His righteousness. Sure life is full of pain, but it's also filled with so much JOY. Life is worth living. We have to forget being so self-absorbed into our own problems. We need to reach out to others and help them through their pain. God can use us even though we are sick. And remember, prayer is important and powerful. Don't feel like prayer isn't enough. It is! And you can write encouraging e-mails or letters. There is so much we can do.

Ok, my rant is over. ;-)